Love: (still?) being a writer
Occasionally, I decide that I am still “creative”, a “photographer”, a “writer” (or, if I’m feeling very adventurous that day, a “poet”) but the truth is I don’t take photos or even write much anymore. I used to take my camera and snap photos everywhere. I used to write stories occasionally, jot down poems or random lines on napkins or on scraps of paper, journal every day – every single day, and somehow, somewhere along this path — that all stopped. I keep committing and re-committing myself to my writing, and almost always disappointing myself.
Sometimes I get this burning itch to start a book, my book, that I’ve so long dreamed of starting. What holds me back? Laziness, first of all, and then of course, the fear that it will be absolutely terrible (because let’s be honest, it probably will be, and I’m not just saying that out of some sick need to have you contradict me, but because I am rusty at writing and I am private with my writing (and so will likely have no true avenue for receiving feedback as I write it).
I don’t care –I’m doing it anyway. My book will happen, and I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to writing it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I am actually sort of starting to plan. Or at least, I’m starting to plan the planning part. Ha. I think that maybe I might try to get a solid idea down from here until November, and then really go all out that month for Nano WriMo and even take some PTO off during that month to just write and write and write. Then, I can edit and change things around over the next year or ten. Who knows.
God, I have so many plans. Why am I so terrible at keeping up with all of them? I want to do so much and I am sick of alternating between intense periods of motivation and periods where I just want to be still or where I feel absolutely hopeless and too emotionally exhausted to do anything.
Anyway, I’m thinking of changing the theme of this blog so as not to limit myself to the whole love/do not love thing. We’ll see. I mean, it may be easy to just always find something from each post to focus on and put love or do not love in front if it. I don’t care if that’s cheating!
Anyway, here’s a photo of a late “spring”/early summer in Texas. I can see these trees from my bedroom window — not that the blinds are open much, but still. The idea is nice.
I still wish I had a much better camera.